One down, one more to go

It is currently 6:33 in the freaking morning. I just finished my final research paper for CAS. I am officially done. I'm so happy that I've finally gotten this over with, but I'm too tired to feel anything. I have another paper waiting to be done after this. It's longer this time and it's going to take so much effort to do it. Sometimes I honestly wonder why I chose to be a history major. All these papers, all this reading, I think I complain more than I should. Do I complain about it too much? It's all so overwhelming. I love history, but I'm not as interested as I used to be in high school. I think it's the fact that I don't have a good relationship with any of my professors. Mansdorf and I had such a great relationship, and I really enjoyed going to his class every day even though I knew that he would assign us mountain loads (what seemed like mountain loads of work at the time. I know better now. So much better) of homework.

I'm so drained right now. But I don't have the luxury of putting my head down right now to rest. I need to finish my Chinese homework and then shower, wake up Rena, grab breakfast, print out my paper, give Dan a wake-up call and then go to CAS class. I don't think I'm going to get any sleep until Saturday. I have work until 5, and then after that I'm going straight to the library to work on my history paper. I'm writing about the problem of immigration during the late 19th and early 20th centuries. It shouldn't be that bad. But it is. I have to get sources and cite my information. I hate sources and I hate bibliographies. I'm really bad at writing papers. My writing's gotten so bad. I never have a chance to write because I want to. Rather, I'm forced to write because I need to pass school. I don't know what it is. I just hate researching and pulling quotes and whatever. It takes so much time and energy. And I suck at organizing my time. I know this paper is going to take forever.

Do I even make sense anymore? I should be tired, but I don't feel anything. At least, I don't think I feel anything. I don't know what's going on. I need to shower. I need to get up and walk around. I've lost all feeling in my body.